Deep Dive: Rebuilding the Bridge to Yourself

"When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt." — Honore de Balzac

What Is Self-Trust?

Self-trust is the quiet confidence that you can rely on your own thoughts, feelings, decisions, and boundaries. It’s not about having all the answers—it’s about believing that, even if you make a mistake, you’ll handle it. It’s knowing that your inner compass is worthy of your attention.

When we have self-trust, we feel grounded. When we don’t, we outsource our decisions, suppress our needs, and often find ourselves in relationships, jobs, or situations that don't align with who we truly are.

Where Does Self-Trust Go?

Here are a few ways self-trust may erode:

• Childhood invalidation: If your emotions were dismissed or punished growing up, you may have learned to distrust your feelings and instincts.

• Trauma or gaslighting: These experiences distort your sense of reality and make you question your memory, choices, or worth.

• People-pleasing patterns: When approval from others becomes more important than your own truth, your internal voice gets quieter.

• Perfectionism: If mistakes feel unacceptable, you stop experimenting, listening to your intuition, or taking healthy risks.

• Boundary violations: Repeatedly overriding your needs for others teaches your nervous system that your safety lies in self-abandonment.

Signs You Might Be Struggling with Self-Trust

• You second-guess yourself constantly—even about small decisions

• You feel anxious after setting boundaries, wondering if you were “too much”

• You feel deeply afraid of making the wrong choice

• You look to others for validation or permission before making moves

• You replay conversations in your head, wondering if you said the wrong thing

• You struggle to name your needs or desires because you’ve been disconnected from them for so long

Rebuilding Self-Trust: This Is a Practice, Not a Personality Trait

Think of self-trust as a relationship with yourself—and like any relationship, it requires time, patience, and repair.

1. Start by Listening to Your Body

Your body often knows before your brain does. Do certain people make your chest tight? Do you feel energized or drained after a conversation? Practice tuning into these sensations without trying to “logic” them away.

Try this: At the end of the day, jot down 2 moments you ignored your body, and 1 moment you didn’t.

2. Get Curious, Not Critical

If your self-talk sounds like, “What’s wrong with me?” shift it to: “What am I needing right now?” or “What’s this feeling trying to tell me?”

Self-trust grows when we meet ourselves with compassion, not shame.

3. Take Small Promises Seriously

Don’t aim for perfection. Instead, build trust by keeping tiny promises to yourself: “I’ll drink a glass of water when I wake up.” “I’ll text that friend back today.” Follow-through matters more than intensity.

4. Create a “Self-Trust Timeline”

Write out times in your life when you made a hard decision that turned out to be right for you—even if others didn’t understand it at the time. This is evidence that you can trust yourself.

5. Give Yourself Closure

Stop waiting for external validation. Instead, practice giving yourself the affirmations you crave from others. “I did my best.” “My feelings are valid.” “That was hard, and I showed up.” This rewires your nervous system for inner safety.

Final Thoughts

Self-trust isn’t about always being right—it’s about being willing to back yourself, even when things are uncertain. It’s a skill, not a fixed state. And every time you listen inward, set a boundary, or own your truth, you're laying another brick on the path back home to yourself.