Quick Take: Signs you are just “Keeping Busy”
Let’s Sit with That. What does that really mean? Synonymously used with, “processing,” “holding space,” or “working on myself.” I hear these phrases tossed around in conversations and on social media, but do people understand what it truly means to process an emotion/work on onself/hold space? Now, I haven’t conducted any formal research on the topic, but I can say when I ask clients in session what this means to them, they have loosely accurate answers: to really feel the emotion, reflection. They’re not completely wrong, although when asked, how does one do this, the answers come up short.
I want to offer you a small lesson on how to “sit with that” or “process your emotion” and I’m going to start by letting you know what it is not. Processing your emotions doesn’t look like taking time to yourself and filling your calendar with endless things to do, even if you are going to the spa, getting your nails done, or hitting up the local pilates class. Staying busy, even if it’s days filled with self-care activities, is often avoidance in disguise.
I want to be transparent, I have been there. I spent an entire summer after my separation “working on myself,” which was really an excuse to spend time with the girls, go to concerts, get my nails done, dress the way I wanted, exercise excessively, and overindulge in shopping and wine nights. Now mind you, I was in therapy and journalling daily, I kept my days endlessly filled with activities that interrupted my ability to process the bomb that had just blown up my entire life.
It’s often easier to get a tattoo under the banner of ‘finding yourself again’ than it is to pause long enough to let a feeling rise, sit with it, and allow yourself to grow curious about what it’s really trying to tell you.
Sitting with something, processing an emotion, holding space, and/or working on yourself all starts with becoming curious about the way you experience something and deepening your understanding of yourself. It is here where you can begin to change the way your body experiences something, but that is a topic for a different post.
Signs you are just “Keeping Busy"
You move quickly from one task or activity to the next to avoid stillness.
You feel uneasy when there’s nothing to do.
Activities (even self-care) feel like a way to “push away” discomfort.
You’re not actually naming or exploring the feeling—you just hope it goes away while you keep busy.
After the activity, the emotion is still waiting for you
Let’s Sit with That
Next time you are engaging in an activity ask yourself, “Am I doing this to connect to what I feel, or to not feel at all/feel something different?”
Please note: This is not an activity to try alone if you feel unsafe in your own body. Please seek out a professional if you wish to begin this journey.
