Real Talk: Become full of your Self

Ladies, raise your hand if you’ve ever heard someone compliment you for being selfless. It may sound something like, “she is always putting others before herself” and more often then not, it’s coming out of a man’s mouth. For centuries, women and girls are disproportionately groomed into being self-abandoning, people pleasing robots that are intended to nuture, serve, and ensure that we are making others feel comfortable and cared for. Society has taught us, and continues to reinforce, the narrative that girls are to be good, kind, quiet, nurturing, and caring toward others. That we are the maintainers of harmony, so don’t talk back or speak up.

But, what does it really mean to be selfless? To be without Self. Someone without a sense of Self. Lacking a sense of Self means we have an unclear understanding of our own identity—our values, beliefs, preferences, and boundaries. We are directionless and only exist in the presence of others needs.

We are praised for being selfless and shamed for being ‘full of oneself.’ It’s no wonder we are on journeys to find ourselves again, except we may have never had a Self to begin with, at least not one that wasn’t already scripted for us.

I heard once that not having a sense of Self is like watching a movie without knowing who the main character is — you don’t understand the character development, the plot line, or what the point of the movie is. My advice, drop the selflessness and become full of your Self, be the main character of your life!

I’ll let you Sit with This

What is one thing that you would do if not confined to the expectations of selflessness?

Feel free to share in the comments—I’d love to sit with that with you

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Real Talk: The Onus of Boundaries is on Us

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Quick Take: Kindness vs. People-Pleasing